hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
