I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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