so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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