So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize
