Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
