Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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