So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
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Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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