I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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