I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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