Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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