I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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