OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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