Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
