roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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