I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
