woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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