and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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