Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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