Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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