I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
