They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize