Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
