4 words: hood of his car
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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