it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
