She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i think im in europe. pls send help
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
