I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
did you just send me my own nude
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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