My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
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woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
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Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Send help, water and tortillas.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public