idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Holy sore nipples Batman