I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
ugly people sure do ruin things
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine