I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt