I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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