Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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