Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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