Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
