you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
