Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize