Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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