I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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