I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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