Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize