and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
