I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
