So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
