Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
