cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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