He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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