Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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