worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
