my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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