it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You don't make any sense
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