last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
