he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
