U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
