Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
