his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
