So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
