As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i think i just lost a toe
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
