Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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