If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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