Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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